Affordable Apartments in Manhattan

I've found a couple of places in our price range. They're both in the same building.

• Affordable apartment #1

• Affordable apartment #2

Whaddya think?

I think that we could just barely afford one of these, what with a $550 monthly maintenance payment on top of the mortgage. Also, OGILF and I are only marginally capable of putting up curtains, never mind the sort of total renovation these apartments call for. On top of all that, it's a co-op building with no board approval required, which means (correct me if I'm wrong) that we would be buying into a building that appears to have major problems, which we cannot afford to fix. I think that's known as "being seriously fucked." Those of you who are co-op savvy, check out the FAQ. I think it looks like a bad deal.

So I'm looking at these pictures, and I say to OGILF, "this is totally freaking me out" and M says "Mom, if it's freaking you out, then just stop looking at it!" The girl's got a point.

It appears we are fated to be renters once more.

How Are the New York Plans Coming?

Oh yes, the question of the day. The question of every day, from everyone I run into. I'm beginning to wish I'd never mentioned that we are moving, except that if I'd done that, it would be too easy to chicken out and not go.

We are getting our house ready to put on the market. It's taking a while, and I'm making it harder by doing things like, for instance, making a huge scorch mark on our kitchen counter, forcing us to add "buy and install new kitchen counter" to our list of repairs. Yippee! So we have to fix up the house, sell/give away a bunch of stuff, choose a real estate agent, "stage" and clean the place, and pray that someone will buy it, preferably for lots and lots of money. I'm hoping it will be under contract by June, so that when we go to NY for the MOCCA show, we'll be able to sign a lease on an apartment, but we'll see how things actually shake out. It's kind of impossible to plan how it will all go.

So that's how the plans are coming. And that's how they'll still be coming when you ask me about it tomorrow, next week, next month, and the month after that. Trust me, when there's news, I'll be talking about it.

In the meantime, I'm keeping myself quite busy by:

• consuming an entire jar of Nutella in the space of three days

• watching Lily Allen videos on YouTube

• failing to get adequate directions to a party my daughter was invited to, causing us to spend three hours in the car, utterly lost, me muttering "I'm totally fucking lost, this fucking sucks, fucking shit, we're fucked" and M sing-songing "Mommy, I can hear what you're saaaying!" in the backseat

• Tinkering with OGILF's MySpace page without his permission

• Taking the "where should I live?"quiz at Findyourspot.com

• Looking at houses for sale in Austin, Northampton, Providence, and Worcester, pondering the possibility of not going to NYC after all

• Deciding that Findyourspot.com has been bought by various towns' Chambers of Commerce and is not to be trusted

• Making lists of things I need to do, and then not doing them

That's it, folks. And hey, have I mentioned lately that my husband is a brilliant artist and you should totally hire him for any and all of your illustration needs? He is, and you should. Thanks.

Anxiety Overload

So the last few days I'm having a crisis of faith. A "we don't have jobs, we don't have money, we're totally fucked, what makes me think we can do this" crisis of faith. Not coincidentally, various people have expressed incredulity at our plan (or should I say, lack of plan) as of late.

Here's the thing: I don't know what we're doing. We may very well be fucked. We're not making enough money to continue with life as we know it here. Moving to a more expensive locale may seem counter intuitive, but I think it's the place where OGILF has the best chance of making a living. I may be terribly deluded, but I don't know what else to do. People who give me advice, well-meaning as they may be, don't actually have to live my life. They are not actually going to help me. I'm completely on my own here, trying to find a way to make our lives work. It may look like we are doing all right, but we are not. We are barely hanging on. This is what we are doing, and I'm all too aware that it looks stupid. If only you could see how haphazard and accidental and stupid our whole lives are, though, maybe you'd understand. Why does it feel like everyone else has it all figured out, and we are the only ones who are stumbling blindly?

I have to stop now or I'm going to hyperventilate. I actually had something else to write about today - something possibly interesting, or funny, or witty, or smart, but then the sun went down and the icy hand grabbed me. Try back later.

Hold Everything . . .

Holy shit.

More here. And even more.

Maybe we're not moving to New York after all.

I'm starting to itch already.